Kevin Sweeney

Celebrating Diversity

Later I would learn Uncle Bob had the same last name
as a famous gangster, but when I argued with Nana
who claimed all Italians were corrupt, lying adulterers,
I knew nothing about sex, had always enjoyed visiting
Uncle Bob and Aunt Rina’s home in Roslindale, and had
no idea I’d become at 24 a Massachusetts correctional
officer because of one particular qualification: I was Irish,
as was Uncle Wally who got me the job where Irish and
Italians co-existed, not in the celebrate diversity bumper
sticker way, but like two packs of feral cats who’d taken
shelter from the WASPS of wealth and ownership. We’d
run the fire and police departments, guard inmates at jails
and prisons, escort them to court in brown uniforms.  At
the Worcester County Jail and House of Correction
Lt. Andy Looney told me I shouldn’t trust Lt. Leo Evangelista
because my last name had no signifying vowel at the end.
But Leo was a nice guy, unlike cigar-smoking Andy, who’d
go out at 5AM for coffee and a doughnut but never bring
anything back for the rest of us on 11 to 7.  Had Nana
not been in the nursing home then, I’d have told her Leo
was a good man, that I wouldn’t be afraid to work on his
shift as I’d once argued that all the popes were Italian and
were still good men, unlike unfaithful Uncle Bob. She’d
always responded that the popes were holy men, but, I’d
retort they’re Italian too even though none shared the
surname of a Chicago criminal and none was born in
the North End of Boston. I wouldn’t have claimed Leo
Evangelista could be pope, just that he’d be more likely
to bring back coffee and doughnuts for the rest of the shift,
which Andy Looney was never going to do.  I used to joke
with my college friend, Vicki Peruzzi, about marrying her
just to piss off Nana, but I didn’t get married for another
14 years - to an Irish Catholic girl from New Jersey.  We
got divorced.  I did get married again – a nice Maine girl
whose ethnicity would make for a good search on Ancestry.com,
but it’s okay. We have all the coffee and doughnuts we need.

Bucket List

I don’t have one except
I hope to see a quality
production of Chekhov’s
Three Sisters and find
a CVS brand of stool
softeners that work. 
Name brands are
always expensive.

 

Kevin Sweeney’s latest book is Imminent Tribulations from Moon Pie Press.  His poems have appeared in Gargoyle, Main Street Rag, Nerve Cowboy, 5 AM, Wormwood Review, Big Hammer, Free Lunch, and others.  He’s an assistant poetry editor for The Café Review.