Sean Casey

Joe Rogan Experience

Have you or has anyone you know had a Joe Rogan experience? Everywhere you look there are people having what they call Joe Rogan experiences. It’s getting to the point where you call up an old buddy to tell stories about the old days and you can’t because now he’s Joe Rogan. Our borders are open and they’re letting in hordes of Rogans. The Rogan strain is dominant in most countries. Down under, they’re waltzing Joe Rogan by the shade of the coolabah tree. It’s insane. It’s not natural. If you detect the odor of Joe Rogan scented candles drifting from your child’s laptop, it’s too late. They’re teaching kids in elementary schools how to have Joe Rogan experiences. Kids are popping puberty pills, eating nothing but meat, climbing into sensory deprivation tanks for weeks at a time, and when they come out, they’re Canadian, they’re jacked, they’re Libertarian-leaning, they’re challenging Freedom-Muzzle Fauci for the UFC strawweight strap. They’re climbing in the Octagon and wrecking dudes in the first round with spinning backfists, superman punches. Joe Rogan says, “You were throwing bombs in there.” Joe Rogan says, “Walk me through the finish.” The kid says, “I’m coming for you, Fauci. You’ve got my belt.”

 

Sean Casey lives in Western Massachusetts, where he works as a librarian. His fiction has appeared in McSweeney's, Massachusetts Review, and WebConjunctions.